Yep! And we’re still in the Christmas season. Epiphany isn’t until Monday, and my decorations are still up. It won’t take long to take them down, as I’ve simplified things over the years, but they probably won’t go back into the boxes until next weekend.
It was a nice Christmas, all things considered. The last few years were pretty lousy – three years ago, pop died. Two years ago, I broke my ankle and spent Christmas recovering from surgery (I won’t say it was “shattered” as my very talented orthopedic surgeon managed to find all the pieces of bone and reassemble them with some heavy-duty hardware), and last year my best friend and music partner died suddenly right before Christmas. This year, we lost mom – which should have made it another crappy Christmas.
But oddly – it wasn’t. Maybe it was because we all breathed a collective sigh of relief that she and pop were together again. Maybe it was because she wasn’t suffering any more. Maybe it was because we all realized that, as hard as it was, it could have been a lot worse.
And maybe – just maybe – this Christmas was a gift from the Holy Spirit.
Sure, we got a little weepy. We missed some people terribly. Mom had left some instructions for some personal gifts, which were given out. I’d like to think that mom was able to see everyone’s reactions. I do know I felt her presence – and pop’s, and Bubba’s – very strongly. Does it take the place of their being there “in the flesh?” Of course not. But because of Christmas – and Easter – we know we will be with them again. We know they are wrapped in love and peace.
And of course, there were some laughs: My brother continued the tradition of the rubber chickens. Once again, his ceiling (and it’s a tall one) is covered with little rubber chickens. It started a few years ago when he ordered a pack of small rubber chickens (you shoot them like rubber bands) from “slamazon” (as my friend Cathy J calls that big online retailer), intending for us to shoot them at one another like the overgrown kids we all are.
I’m pretty sure it was Bubba who first aimed a chicken at the ceiling. Or maybe Harris. Hey! They stick! And so a new holiday tradition was born.
Can you hear it? “Oh, we love to decorate the tree as a family on Christmas eve after we go to church, and then after Christmas dinner we go caroling! What do you do, Brenda?” “Oh, we crank up the air conditioning, build a fire in the fireplace, drink champagne and shoot rubber chickens at each other and at the ceiling.” Yep, that’s my family.
And among all of this craziness is family, love, and the peace of the Holy Spirit. I realize a lot of people struggle with Christmas. I have for years – so did mom; she said that she was reminded of all those she loved who had left this life. I do think she had a better Christmas this year, as did pop, Bubba, and all of our loved ones on the other side. #84 in the Hymnal 1982 sums it up beautifully:
May the peace of the Holy Spirit and the gift of the Incarnation be with you throughout the year. And don’t be afraid to say it: Merry Christmas!
Today was mom’s memorial service. Her – and pop’s – cremains will be interred at a later date. For now, we just wanted to get through this. It has been a long journey; yet I know that we have been blessed beyond measure. Today my brother, our families and I were surrounded and uplifted by love, by visits from people expected and unexpected, and ended the long day with family and friends (and yes, alcohol). A beautiful, loving life was celebrated. And dang, we miss her.
Now, I’ve pretty much managed to keep it together, but looking at the slides (that I’ve already seen because I uploaded them) makes me cry. And I’m kind of afraid to start crying because I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop. My brother delivered a beautiful, heartfelt tribute. I don’t have his, but will share mine here:
This is a tribute to the strongest, most amazing woman I’ve ever known. And how blessed I am to have had her for my mother. Greg and I hit the jackpot there. For our entire lives, mom was our biggest supporter, cheerleader, tear-wiper and butt-kicker. I would say “and now she’s gone” but she’s not. She lives forever in our hearts, and beyond because – our souls are eternal.
I’m not sure how these things work, but I do believe that before I was born, an angel said OK Brenda, you’re gonna have some challenges, and you’re gonna have some blessings. But the biggest blessing you’re gonna have is love. I have a feeling that Greg had a similar experience.
Mom was born in 1931 – yesterday would have been her 93rd birthday. Some things y’all already know about our mother – she never stayed still for long. I think she was about 13 or so when she learned to drive, but before that she was on her bicycle.
In an era when many women were stay at home moms, she earned her bachelor’s degree in business education from Northwestern State University – where she met this handsome fellow from central Louisiana named Robert DeKeyzer – AKA Sam. They had a strong, loving marriage that lasted for 71 years until pop died 3 years ago.
Together, they build a home and a family. Mom taught for a while, but then Greg came along and she stayed home to be a mom. A few years later I showed up. It was us 4 as a team. In the late 1960s, mom was approached by a member of the school board of St. Joseph school, where Greg and I were students. They’d lost their business ed teacher – would she consider taking the job?
She did, and wound up teaching commerce subjects at St. Joe for years. While some teachers would send their misbehaving students to the principal – or wose, Sister Mary Catherine – for discipline, mom never did. No one dared misbehave in her class. Those who tried soon realized… it wasn’t a good idea. They quickly learned what Greg and I already knew….the softer her voice, the bigger trouble you were in. And of course, there was THE LOOK.
A few years ago, there was a thread on facebook – I believe Robert Larroque started it on the Jeanerette – yeah you right! Page, and kicked off the discussion:
Ro – Mrs. Dorothy “Dot” DeKeyzer, our beloved Business teacher (Typing, Bookkeeping, Shorthand)….no-nonsense, efficient, and always kind. She inspired, and continues to inspire, so many of us. Ro’s sister Lisette said “she wanted you to succeed, and accommodated you….Virginia Edley said that mom was a big influence in her decision to go to engineering school. Louise Brown Derise said “she was the reason I studied accounting. She was an incredible teacher and person!” Troy Rosamond – “I learned more about test-prep from spending quality time with that lady than from anyone else until… CPA prep.”
…and the conversation continued. I shared it with mom, who was shocked. They’re saying that about ME? They still remember? (Well, you know what happens in Jeanerette, stays on facebook.)
Well, SHE remembered. you know those name cards you send out with your graduation invitations? Last week I opened a drawer in the house – and there was a box filled with those cards. Every one that her students sent her – she kept them. She loved her students.
When she and pop started hoh-PAK (at the kitchen table), it was a family affair, all right. Little did we realize at the time how it would grow – and mom and pop were a team throughout it all. She shaped so much of the business. Later, she and pop actually started travelling – road trips to Perdido with their dear friends Jack and Carla Wormser. Carla, you are truly mom’s sister of the heart – I guess that makes you our aunt! Later, she was beyond THRILLED to become a grandmother – Nana to Ian, Roane, Julia and Marie Claire.
I learned SO much from mom, more than I could ever tell you. I learned how to be a wife, a parent, and she sure tried to teach me how to be a lady (some of it stuck, mom, I promise). I learned how to crochet, to sing, and to whistle. Even though she didn’t like to cook, I learned how to do the basics.
Mom also taught us how to drive – and to parallel park. I channel mom every time I tuck my car into a parking space with mere inches to spare. I learned from the best. Greg is sharing a driving story, I’ll share this one: One day, Janice and Marie Claire were heading home from town. There on the Weeks Island Road, a car sped past them. Janice commented “wow, someone’s in a hurry!” MC replied “ mom – THAT’S NANA!” And I will say that in her entire driving career she never ever was involved in a wreck – and she taught us how to drive defensively.
Growing up, she stayed at home until I was about 7, and she and my grandmother didn’t like staying still, so we went to Lafayette a lot. Of course, mom drove. I learned the art of shopping on a budget. Mom had a reputation at St. Joe – “She never wears the same thing twice!” I’ve had more than a few of her former students tell me they were always waiting to see what Mrs. DeKeyzer was going to be wearing that day. Truth is – she knew how to shop the sales and to put things together in various ways with different accessories – and she always looked like a million bucks. It wasn’t vanity; it was self respect – something else she taught us.
In her last months of life, she extracted a promise from Vanessa, her personal care aide. “Vanessa,” she said “please promise me that when I die you will come and fix my hair and put on my lipstick before the funeral home takes me away!” and she made ME promise to call Vanessa and WAIT to call the funeral home (she didn’t quite trust ME to do her hair). “I will NOT go to the funeral home with my hair like Woody Woodpecker!” and we didn’t blame her one bit. When the time came, Vanessa was there, and mom went out in style. Really, it could be no other way.
We were all floored when she was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis. It was terrifying, and a hard, arduous journey. Mom has always been the epitome of grace and strength – and she faced it just like that. She got her affairs in order, making sure we knew what we needed to know and do. She was particularly concerned about the care of her beloved cat, Buddy, who had been a wonderful companion to her. Ever the perfectly organized soul, she fretted for months about “when” she might “go.” She didn’t want to go around Roane’s or Marie Claire’s birthday; what a lousy memory! She didn’t want to mess up David’s and my vacation. And Julia is moving to Tennessee for PA school at the end of September! And then, more birthdays….Somehow, she made a deal with God and slipped away not long the last person she was waiting on arrived to say goodbye. She’d seen everyone else who was closest, and after Harris had arrived, she smiled and slipped away.
But her work really will never be done. She gave us the foundation, a foundation of love upon which we can only build more love. She taught us HOW to love, and that was the best thing she ever taught. Sometimes her love was toughlove – she always expected the best from you, because she saw what you are capable of. But she loved us with an amazing, incredible love.
We miss her terribly, but wouldn’t wish another moment of her suffering to have her back. Julia put it perfectly: Nana and Pop are now dancing in heaven while Bubba is playing their favorite song.
a samaritan woman 