Just last week, I heard the story of a young man who was denied entry to an establishment because he wasn’t wearing a mask. “It’s a mandate!” he was told. “You have to wear a mask to come inside!”

“I can’t wear a mask,” he replied. “I have an exemption. I have CFS.”

Legally, one isn’t required to disclose a medical exemption (see Amendment IV to the Constitution of the US.) However, this young man wished to make a point. “I have CFS! CFS!”

When someone asked him what this dreadful sounding condition was, he replied “Common F***ing Sense!”

He was admitted to the establishment.

Rules about wearing masks, while certainly not the only example of common sense (or the lack thereof), can be quite amusing. Let’s put aside the questions about the efficacy of masks in preventing the spread of illness, and just look at some of the head-scratching rules and regulations.

For example…

I recently attended an outdoor event. As always, there were parking attendants. However, we were directed to park SIX FEET APART! Hm. I didn’t know that cars could contract CoVid. However, the traffic I was in this afternoon was bumper-to-bumper, and moving very slowly. I can only think that you can’t catch CoVid from a moving car, but a parked one could be dangerous.

My husband and I went out recently, and ran into a couple of old friends we hadn’t seen in a while. As we stood talking by the bar, we were asked to move because…CoVid. So, we moved a few feet away from the bar, which was fine. Apparently, you can catch CoVid right next to the bar, but not in the middle of the room.

I was at an outdoor event listening to a band. Benches for seating were marked off – “Don’t sit here!” Because – CoVid. So, the crowd stood behind the benches. There was a nearby tree with a planter around it, offering a great view of the band and unmarked seating. We sat shoulder-to-shoulder with everyone else, because obviously the tree provided CoVid protection.

We enjoyed an excellent brass ensemble. The band members were properly attired, and kept their masks in place for the entire performance. Luckily the masks had little flaps so they could play their instruments. No doubt the structure of the horns (tuba, trumpets, trombone) cleansed the air of CoVid. Further study should be done; can we find some funding for this?

You can catch CoVid from chopped salads in Texas. I ordered a salad at Subway, and asked for it to be chopped. “We can’t do that,” I was told, “because of CoVid.” Huh. OK, so the act of chopping the salad invites the CoVid virus into the lettuce. Or spinach. Or whatever.

Happily, chopped salads do NOT transmit CoVid in Louisiana. I ordered a salad at Subway last week, and I was asked “regular or chopped?” Wait – no, never mind. Chopped, thank you.

McDonald’s used to serve breakfast throughout the day. No more. Because, you know, CoVid. I could understand if they were just to tell me “we have to cut back because this CoVid merde is killing our business” – I get that. But don’t make it sound like eating an Egg McMuffin after 10:30 is dangerous.

Yesterday I saw a lone bike rider outside on a country road. Wearing a mask. I can’t count how many times I have seen a lone driver in a car…wearing a mask.

I heard someone say that expecting a fabric mask to stop a CoVid particle is like expecting a hurricane fence to stop a mosquito. Based on what I’ve read, that sounds about right as these particles are so tiny. What happens if a CoVid cootie gets caught in your mask? And what about those “valve” masks? You know, those edgy looking ones (often black) with the round valve on the side that allows your breath to escape. Is the valve magic? Do they trap the eensy-weensy CoVid particles and allow your breath to escape?

I can wear a mask, and my glasses still fog up. This should tell you something.

We do know that we should n’t touch our faces so as to reduce transmission of ANY virus. So what do we do? Fiddle with these obnoxious, irritating things on our faces. I must say – they do come in handy when I start to sneeze.

I think that I, too, may have a case of CFS. I read the outcome of the Danish mask study recently completed. 6,000 people, and no evidence that masks make any statistical difference in disease transmission. Luckily, CoVid has an extremely high survival rate, since these masks don’t really make a difference.

Now, if people would just quit throwing them away in the parking lot. Yuck.