D-Day Gratitude

June 7, 2016July 1, 2016 / a samaritan woman / Leave a comment

Today is the 72nd anniversary of D-Day, and I am once again deeply and profoundly grateful for freedom.

National World War II Memorial, Washington, DC

This afternoon while driving, I heard an excerpt of a speech given by Ronald Regan in 1984, on the 40th anniversary of D-Day. As he related that fateful day, he said that Europe was enslaved, and the world prayed for its rescue.…there is a profound, moral difference between the use of force for liberation and the use of force for conquest.

Amen, amen.

Marine Corps War Memorial, Washington, DC

I mused a lot about prayer and war as I drove, and got home and started writing. Then I put my musings aside and lost myself in reading the transcript of his speech. There’s no way I can add to this, so I’ll just include another quote from President Regan’s speech:

The Americans who fought here that morning knew word of the invasion was spreading through the darkness back home. They fought — or felt in their hearts, though they couldn’t know in fact, that in Georgia they were filling the churches at 4 a.m., in Kansas they were kneeling on their porches and praying, and in Philadelphia they were ringing the Liberty Bell.

Something else helped the men of D-day: their rockhard belief that Providence would have a great hand in the events that would unfold here; that God was an ally in this great cause. And so, the night before the invasion, when Colonel Wolverton asked his parachute troops to kneel with him in prayer he told them: Do not bow your heads, but look up so you can see God and ask His blessing in what we’re about to do. Also that night, General Matthew Ridgway on his cot, listening in the darkness for the promise God made to Joshua: “I will not fail thee nor forsake thee.”

Find the full text – transcript and recording – here. Read it, bookmark it, and join me in giving thanks for all who have fought – and will fight – for freedom and peace.

The last verse of Horace Trim’s (original) lyrics of Taps:

Thanks and praise for our days
‘Neath the sun, ‘neath the stars, ‘neath the sky
As we go, this we know
God is nigh.

Mountain Thoughts

April 16, 2016 / a samaritan woman / 3 Comments

My friends Diane Moore and Victoria Sullivan are both gifted authors (and publishers) who divide their time between south Louisiana and the mountains of Tennessee. In addition to new worlds of poetry and polyploids (more on that later), they have introduced me to the Community of St. Mary, an Episcopal Benedictine convent on the mountain in Sewanee. Music partner Joshua (aka Bubba) and I were featured musical performers at a recent fundraiser for the convent.

It was a weekend of unexpected blessings and surprises. We were provided lodging in the convent, and this respite from daily life was welcome indeed. Not just the quiet and beauty of this place on the mountain, but the peaceful presence of the sisters create a haven saturated with the presence of spirit. Even cell phone service is nonexistent. Hooray!

Convent of the Community of St. Mary, Sewanee, Tennessee

Saturday was a day of focus on the fundraiser, a focus on the gig. Haul equipment, check out the venue, set up, do sound check, run through everything, put away cases. Head back to the convent to change for the evening. No big meal prior to playing or singing, so we fixed plates of a delicious meal and asked the caterers to please keep them safe as we’d be eating later.

Setup for St. Mary’s Gala…I’m glad we only had to deal with the sound system and instruments!

A room a bit too cold for this south Louisiana singer; I was trying to ignore the temperature as I sang. Don’t move around, the stage floor was hollow, and our prerecorded tracks (which had behaved perfectly in rehearsal) decided to skip occasionally. Technology is wonderful – when it works. (Computer? Tablet? Misbehaving!)

The evening was enjoyable in spite of a couple of gremlins in the technology, and successful. Sister Madeleine Mary and her team of interns (Heather, Waddy and Andrew) had put together a wonderful event, and we were delighted to be a part of it. At then end of the evening, it was teardown and loadout. In the midst of it all, we discovered that the caterers, in their rush to clean up, had thrown out our food. So much for that caramel cheesecake…sigh. I probably eat cheesecake once a year, and that was going to be my yearly cheesecake decadence. Oh, well. A late-night trek to McDonald’s in a nearby town brought memories of even later night meals after bar gigs. I finally crawled into bed exhausted.

Sunday morning I pried myself out of bed at 7:40 and performed the barest basics of morning presentability. I made it to the chapel for Eucharist with 5 minutes to spare.

The chapel at the convent. (Don’t you love fisheye lenses?)

I was expecting a small crowd, but this tiny chapel was full. Barely awake (with no time for coffee), I settled into the liturgy and hymns with relief. I’m tired, Lord, but I’m glad I’m here. I relaxed into the community of the congregation. In addition to the sisters, interns and Diane and Vickie, there were quite a few faces I’d seen the night before.

The service ended and we enjoyed breakfast together. And coffee. (Thank you, Lord, for coffee; it is absolutely one of your finest creations, along with music and chocolate. Amen!)

I looked to the afternoon, spread out before me with very little “to do” listed there. Lunch at 1. Repack the car. See some mountains. Take some photos. Listen. Above all, just listen, just be.

Dogwood trees on the mountain

Every child attending a Catholic school hears, sooner or later (usually both sooner AND later) , The Lecture On Vocations. Is God calling you to Holy Orders? I’d heard The Lecture often, but could never imagine myself in such a setting. I knew the Sisters of Mercy that served my school, and spent some time visiting and praying in their convent. I could not see myself there, and always felt a call to motherhood instead.

The Community of St. Mary, though, is more than just the sisters who live in the convent. They have associates who live in the community, and the convent’s influence is evident to even a new visitor such as myself. The rhythm of their lives and peaceful presence are threads woven beyond the physical space of convent and chapel. Through our mutual friends, they have touched my life in the past as far away as south Louisiana. Through spending time here, they have touched my life again, and I returned home to Louisiana with a bit of their spirit with me.

The very air there is saturated with a sense of the creative, evident in some of the silent auction offerings at the gala, and certainly evident in the writings of Diane and Vickie. One of Diane’s poetry collections, In a Convent Garden, has a photo of a small concrete statue of a merry nun on a swing. I smiled when I saw the original. Two of Vickie’s novels deal with a fascinating “it-could-almost-happen” new race of humans called polyploids. I will let creativity strike as it may and be content that I soaked up the blissful peacefulness.

Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. – Luke 5:15-16

I realize such quiet time isn’t a luxury, but a need. If Jesus needed solitude and “down time,” don’t we all? I was reminded of a far distant ancestor of mine, who at the end of a life of political and family intrigue, leadership, and imprisonment, retired to a convent in France. I can understand her desire for the sanctuary that such a place provided. We all need rest to combat the weariness of the spirit.

Diane’s blog is A Word’s Worth

Vickie’s first book about polyploids: Pinyon Publishing

Poetry and other good reads by Diane, Vickie, Anne Simon and others at Border Press

The Power of Prayer

March 27, 2016March 27, 2016 / a samaritan woman / 1 Comment

If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. ~ Lao Tzu

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. ~ Jill Jackson

Once again we are inundated with news of a terrorist bombing; this time in Brussels. The world responds with sadness, anger, and prayers for peace; all of this happening during the Christian Holy Week. Then, there is the backlash: “Prayers and flowers don’t work, do something real!”

Pardon me, but there are many of us throughout the world who believe in the power of prayer. We are not bible-hugging brainwashed imbeciles, contrary to what much of the media would have one believe. I myself am a great skeptic and a born-again cynic, but I believe in the power of prayer.

I believe because I’ve seen the results. Prayer changes us, and thus prayer can change the world. Perhaps those who cry for something more concrete are doing so because they feel powerless. They’ve heard of miracle cures, but perhaps never saw the cure they thought they should see in a loved one. Prayers are answered, but not always as we expect or even ask.

Holy Saturday at Epiphany

Prayers for healing may result in a miraculous bodily cure, which may or may not be assisted by medical intervention. Or they may result in not the healing of the body, but the healing of the spirit – or the healing of an entire family, once broken, but drawn together in love once again.

Some of the more eye-opening answered prayers I’ve witnessed have been things such as Hurricane Lili in 2002 which suddenly slowed from a category 5 to a category 2 right before making landfall in south Louisiana. Or my mom’s healing from an aneurysm that burst in her brain – which spontaneously healed up and quit bleeding.

“Oh yeah, do you think God’s gonna send a band of angels to fix this?” (Well, they do show up with the Armed Forces…) “What do you think prayer is going to do?”

What will prayer do? If nothing else, prayer changes the one who practices it. Lao Tzu, ancient Chinese philosopher and songwriter Jill Jackson were separated by 25 or so centuries, and both pointed out this basic truth: Peace begins with the individual.

“It’s not ME, it’s THEM.” Yeah, I know. But I can’t change “them.” I can, however, change myself, and prayer helps me. Heck, even atheists say “be good for goodness’ sake.” If you can’t, don’t, or won’t believe in a power greater than yourself, you can at least look at human nature and see the power of the group. Your own inner peace, your goodness for whatever reason, has a positive effect on the group(s) to which you belong.

How can our simple prayers, half a world away, change what is happening beyond our own community? I could simply say “that’s where faith comes in.” I know people who respond this way. I wish I could.

Cynic that I am, however, I have to let my brain chew things over. So I pray, I think of the anger and hatred in the world, and open my heart, mind and spirit to the question of “what can I, one person, do?’

I look at the world around me and am moved to act. My eyes are open. These terror acts are tied up in the world of international relations, foreign policy, national defense…ah, and there’s an election this year. Some areas of our country have several races on their ballots. I can become as informed as I possibly can be about the situations and the candidates, and make the best decision that I can.

I can rattle the phones and in-boxes of my elected representatives. I can get involved in local efforts to make a difference in my own community. I can donate time and funds to causes I believe in. I can send cleaning supplies with a friend traveling to a flooded section of Louisiana, knowing through personal experience that even a small helping hand from a stranger can give one the strength to get through a disaster. I can join my voice to those of others in song, in prayer, in protest.

praying hands

Never doubt the power of prayer, and never doubt the power of shared intention. You want a more concrete example? How about fundraisers that ask a lot of people for just a dollar or two? My few bucks are just a drop in the bucket, but add that to a million people and that’s a huge, powerful bucket. I believe it’s the same with prayer.

This past Holy Week at the Episcopal Church of the Epiphany has seen a dramatic increase in mid-week attendance. Last Sunday, and again at last night’s Good Friday service, Fr. Matt spoke about what one individual can do. From the hyperactive media as a whole to individual citizens, we are asking the question “What can I do?” We are coming together in search for answers, sharing and growing the intention and desire for peace.

Lynn McTaggert, author and architect of The Intention Experiment, is one who has been experimenting with the effects of group intention. Larry Dossey is a physician and author who has done extensive work with the efficacy of prayer as a healing modality. These, and many others, are looking at nonphysical interventions such as prayer and meditation in a structured way – and finding what many of us know anecdotally to be true actually is demonstrable. No one suggests that an ailing person abandon all medical intervention and rely on prayer alone, but prayer is a part of a multifaceted approach to healing.

It is the same when it comes to healing the world. Whether we are hoping to heal the spirit, the body, or the world, prayer has an important place, if for no other reason than it helps peace to begin with me.

When you think about it, that’s really the only place that peace can begin.

Jesus, Mark, and The Guys At The Camp

February 19, 2016 / a samaritan woman / 1 Comment

I read the reflections in Forward Day by Day, a booklet published every three months by the Forward Movement. Today’s reflection referred to the story of the healing of the paralytic in Mark 2; where four guys break through a roof to get their friend inside so that Jesus can heal him. I’ve heard this story many times, but today I saw it a bit differently after reading the selection from Forward Day by Day.

Jesus is preaching in Capernaum. The house where he spoke was packed and the people spilled out into the street. “Four people hear that Jesus is in the neighborhood and that he might be able to help their paralyzed friend…They don’t have any proof that Jesus can help, but their love drives them to hope for the impossible and to believe in it enough to take crazy risks for their friend.” (Forward Day by Day, for Thurs. Feb. 18, 2016)

My husband has several good friends that he’s known for decades, and they’ve taken a few crazy risks over the years (although they may deny it). They’re The Guys At The Camp. They have each others’ backs, know each others’ histories, and love each other because of (or in spite of) everything they’ve been through over the years. They do those guy-things that guys do for each other.

Two of The Guys At The Camp (at the camp).

I can just imagine them in first century Capernaum. One of The Guys can’t walk. Another has a great idea, because he’s heard about Jesus. His enthusiasm is contagious, and it seems like a good idea. (Is this sounding familiar?)

“Hey Franz, you know Simon the fisherman?”

“Yeah, great boat, man, he took me out in the Sea of Galilee once. You wouldn’t BELIEVE the speckled trout* we caught that day! UN-believable.”

“Well, this Jesus dude healed Simon’s MOTHER IN LAW.”

“REALLY!”

They’re willing to try anything, no matter how crazy, to help their friend, so off they go, bursting with hope and energy. Nothing is going to stop these men on a mission, except…there’s one problem.

“Big Dave, WHERE did all these PEOPLE come from?!?”

“HOLY ____ how are we gonna get IN there?”

“I have an idea! Look, we can get from THAT roof to THAT roof….”

“STANLEY – WHERE’S THE ROPE?”

“I thought you had it!”

“HEY LOWRY, WE NEED A PRY BAR HERE.”

“GOT IT!”

After some consultation, they get to the roof and start to tear into it.

“Have chain saws been invented yet?”

“Watch it, we gotta fix this when we’re done! We can’t go leaving a big goo-ball mess up here!”

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

Then, they lower their friend with great care. They don’t give a second thought about anything except getting their friend taken care of. Jesus sees their faith, their love, and heals the man.

Mark doesn’t say, but I’ll bet there was a lot of hollering, whooping and back-slapping going on, followed by The Guys patching up the roof and then heading out into the streets to tell everyone about the miracle they’d witnessed and maybe having a beer. There’s nothing shy about These Guys, and when they find a good thing, they talk about it (and since they mostly tell the truth about fishing, people believe them).

Sometimes it takes getting a little crazy for God to let a miracle happen. Sometimes we don’t get to God in quite the way we imagined, but we get there anyway. And if you can’t make it by yourself, well, it’s good to have someone who will carry you until God gets you back on your feet.

– – – – – – – – – –

*OK, so there are no speckled trout in the Sea of Galilee, which is a freshwater lake. But I can’t imagine Franz getting excited about catching sardines or a fish called “musht,” which, according to www.bibleplaces.com, were fished there.

Service through song

February 14, 2016 / a samaritan woman / Leave a comment

This morning, the first Sunday of Lent, we will be trying something new at the Episcopal Church of the Epiphany: A plainsong psalm.

Since I’m the one singing the plainsong, I am now thinking yikes, what did I get myself into?

plainsong psalter

Sure, I chant psalms sometimes for myself. I’ve even recorded a couple. I’m fascinated at how these ancient words, translated into a language that didn’t even exist when they were written, are set to the simplest music. Plainsong is very…well, plain. And while I love occasional vocal pyrotechnics as much as the next soprano, there are some things that have no place for them. (Such as psalms, and the Star Spangled Banner.)

It helps to realize that this isn’t a performance, it’s a service. While I’ve written before about the give-and-take between audience and performer, this is different. Anyone involved in the liturgy is involved in an act of service, and that naturally includes the congregation. Now that I think about it, I’ve attended services in the (distant) past that left me feeling excluded, and it’s probably because they were more of a performance than a service.

The dictionary (Merriam Webster, in this case) gives several definitions of the word service. One is the work performed by one who serves; help, use, benefit. Another is a meeting for worship.

How can I serve? Today, just show up and chant so that the words and tone are clear, the Holy Spirit will take care of the rest.

Powerball fantasies

January 10, 2016January 10, 2016 / a samaritan woman / Leave a comment

It’s all over the news. Powerball, the multi-state lottery, has a record payoff. It seems as though the whole world is rushing to their local convenience store to buy a ticket.

The odds of winning? Let’s just say that you’re more likely to be struck by lightening while riding a unicycle and simultaneously juggling bunny rabbits than to win this thing. But still, it makes for interesting conversation.

powerball

I was talking with a couple of friends this afternoon, and the subject came up. At that moment, the jackpot was something like 700 million dollars.

What would you do? Whatever would you DO with that? It was interesting that we all had pretty much the same reaction. Think of all the good things you could do with it. We fantasized about the causes we would each benefit, and found we had quite a few concerns in common.

Driving home, I made a list in my head. Veterans and wounded warriors. Homeless. Military families. Educational programs. Those trying to turn their lives around after being caught up in human trafficking and drug abuse. Those fleeing religious persecution. Those struggling to rebuild after catastrophic weather events. Enabling people to start small businesses and farms. My list, it seemed, was endless. It was both close to home and worldwide.

The odds are astronomical against my being tonight’s Powerball winner. But then, they’re pretty much the same for everyone holding a ticket, and eventually, someone will win it.

I like to think they’ll do good things with the winnings. In the meantime, maybe I should dust off the unicycle.

Epiphany Gifts

January 6, 2016 / a samaritan woman / Leave a comment

I’m sure I’ve seen a meme somewhere online that says “Keep Calm and say Merry Christmas.” As I prepare this post (to be posted on January 6, the feast of Epiphany), it is still Christmas, although most people give strange looks if you wish them “Merry Christmas” after the first of the year. Heck, they look at you funny if you say “Merry Christmas” on Dec. 26 – by that time, the accepted greeting is “Happy New Year” and spent Christmas trees are already beginning to pile up.

Rather than bemoan the fact that the liturgical Christmas season is short (so much great music! So little time!), I’ll take a moment to consider what Epiphany means in a broader context.

Christians know this is when we traditionally celebrate the arrival of the Magi. Their gift-giving has been transmuted into the crazy Christmas gift rush that we love to hate.

Adoration of the Magi

Christmas invites us to consider the meaning of the Incarnation in our everyday lives. Each year, we are asked “what gifts can we give to the Christ Child?” Epiphany invites us to consider our own gifts.

What gifts have you been given? What talents and passion do you have and use to make the world even just a little bit better? The gifts we are given are the seeds of what we give to others, for we cannot give what we do not have and we cannot give without knowing how to receive.

We admonish small children who anticipate Santa’s arrival. Is that all you can think about, we adults say, what Santa is going to GIVE you? What about poor children who have nothing? Somehow we manage to taint the excitement of receiving a gift with guilt over receiving it. Maybe I’m way out of line here, but I’d like to think that we are meant to be excited about gifts. The apostle Paul spoke of receiving gifts of the Spirit, that’s certainly worthy of excitement!

Some gifts are eagerly accepted, and some are not. There are many things in life that we may not see as gifts. When I worked in oncology, I knew many people who felt their cancer was a curse, and many others that felt it was a gift. (Most of the time, it was a combination of feelings!) The term “mixed blessing” indicates that such reactions are a part of the human experience.

Epiphany is the perfect time to take account of our gifts, the obvious ones and not-so-obvious ones. How can you use your own gifts this year to shine Divine Love in the world?

Emmanuel, God with us

December 25, 2015December 25, 2015 / a samaritan woman / Leave a comment

It was one of those priceless Christmas pageant moments. There they were, the children of our parish, all decked out in costume from the ankles up (never mind the historically inaccurate footwear), portraying Mary, Joseph, angels, shepherds and kings. This year, we had several babies in the congregation available for the part of baby Jesus.

It was good that baby Jesus had understudies, because this particular baby Jesus was fussy. Crying-spit-out-noonie-fussy. Finally, after it was clear that baby Jesus wasn’t going to settle down, he was discretely whisked away by his mother. Um, the actor’s mother, that is.

The pageant continued without pause. Another baby Jesus was tucked into Mary’s arms. And wouldn’t you know…this baby Jesus got fussy too. The actors and narrator continued; the kings strode up the aisle of the church as baby Jesus was swapped out – several times. How many baby Jesuses did we have? Three? I lost count, but the entire cast received a rousing round of applause at the end.

Image from http://www.thegraphicsfairy.com

At Christmas, we celebrate the birth of Christ, the Incarnation. God with us, God in us. Multiple baby Jesuses? No problem. What better illustration that Christ is in all of us, no matter how fussy and cranky we may be? Emmanuel, God with us.

We are all members of the Body of Christ and we carry this Divine Spark. So does all of humanity, no matter how buried or ignored the spark may be. Can it ever be truly extinguished?

On this day when we Christians celebrate the birth of Christ, I think of the words of a young Jewish girl who has been one of my heroines for most of my life:

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again.” — Anne Frank

May the love of Christ be with you and yours this Christmas day and every day.

A Christmas gift of music for you: Rock My Baby Jesus

Gratitude: Beethoven.

December 18, 2015December 18, 2015 / a samaritan woman / Leave a comment

On December 17, 1770, Ludwig van Beethoven was baptized in the Roman Catholic parish of St. Regius in Bonn. 245 years ago today. The rest, as they say, is history, and so much more.

I’ve loved his music for most of my life. In childhood, I had a bust of Beethoven on my piano (who didn’t?). I remember when my grandmother came across this picture of Beethoven in front of his house, framed it and gave it to me. Beethoven house

My cousin, an artist, created a Beethoven teeshirt for me. What I knew of Beethoven as a child fascinated and frightened me – it was said he had a temper (and he certainly had wild hair) – but oh, his music. OH, his music!!

Part of the delight and wonder of it was that a budding piano student could play what the Great Man wrote. No waiting years and years for the musical payoff. Who hasn’t tackled Fur Elise with a sense of delight and accomplishment when the notes finally flowed smoothly? And who, knowing of his deafness, hasn’t been awed by the sheer fact that he wrote so much glorious, soul stirring music in silence?

Then again, it wasn’t silent inside of his head, and thank God for that.

There are countless articles, books, histories, etc. written about Beethoven. A wonderful read, published about 15 years ago, is Russell Martin’s Beethoven’s Hair. This book weaves together three true and fascinating stories: The story of a lock of Beethoven’s hair, snipped by a student after his death and encased in a locket, the story of two men who purchased it in 1994 and their subsequent testing and investigation of the lock, and the story of Beethoven himself. It’s a riveting read which sheds scientific information on the centuries-long mystery of what caused his deafness.

Beethoven hair book

It’s not exactly a spoiler alert – the news has been around for a while, although I still see articles online that say “no one knows exactly what caused his deafness.” The beauty of molecular testing on hair is that you don’t just get a picture in time, you get a picture of what was going on in the body over the period of time that the hair grew. You see what was ingested; poisons, drugs, etc.

Testing revealed massive levels of lead. It’s probable that Beethoven had somehow ingested large amounts of lead over the decades prior to his death.

Perhaps even more surprising is what was not found: No evidence of painkillers for his ever-increasing pain.

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. How could a soul so much in touch with the most incredible subtleties of expression bear to dull himself so? I am more in awe of him than ever.

Who else could introduce such stories in so few notes? And then, he took those notes and gave us all the details, all the joy, the pain, the yearning. A man in such pain (for many reasons) wrote the most incredibly healing, magnificent music. One of his great lessons is that there is always beauty, no matter what life gives you. One work that came out of his deafness was his 9th symphony with its magnificent 4th movement. It’s music that takes a soul straight to heaven.

I cannot play any of his works masterfully (or even close), yet I play them for myself. It gives me joy to do so, and sometimes it just gives me solace.

Today, and every day, I am grateful for the music and the life of Ludwig van Beethoven.

– – – – – – –

The Guevara lock of hair is permanently housed in the Ira F. Brilliant Center for Beethoven Studies at San Jose University.

Filling in the Gaps

December 14, 2015December 18, 2015 / a samaritan woman / Leave a comment

Our church has a small but dedicated choir, but we often compliments such as “it sounds like the loft is FULL! It sounds like there’s a lot more people singing up there than there is!” It’s a lovely comment, especially as we’re often more of a quartet than a choir.

My friend (and fellow chorister) Margaret recently observed: “I think that God comes in and fills in the empty spaces for us.”

hymnals

We do sing with intention. We want to give our best to God, to our church family, and to Leon (our choir director who brings out the best in us). I think Margaret got it just right: God does fill in the spaces and magnifies our efforts. God can enlarge what we do if we allow it. Here’s an example from my own musical life:

On December 27, 2011, I lost my hearing in my left ear. Unable to find any other explanation for this sudden change (I’m meticulous about hearing protection when performing), my doctors figured it was the result of “a virus.” Over the next year I went through multiple tests, consultations, and listening to well-meaning folks telling me that it might just be wax in my ears, and why didn’t I just have surgery? I clung to hope of a spontaneous return of hearing (it might happen, my doctor said, we have to give it a year). I resisted the idea of a hearing aid for a while, and then began to look forward to the one year mark when I could begin the process of being fitted for a hearing aid.

That was not to be. The sensorineural hearing loss I have does not respond to a hearing aid. Welcome to life in monaural. I cried a river.

I’ve had to adapt. In the case of Epiphany’s choir, small is a blessing for me. I’m able to hear and enjoy the other parts without being distracted or confused. You can’t sing harmony without listening to what else is going on. While that’s not a problem with two working ears, it’s very tricky with only one. Unison singing can be challenging if we’re not all completely unison. My fellow choir members have become used to my moving around to find just the right spot to stand in the loft so that I can hear. At least solos are easy.

Recording vocal parts requires adjustment, too. My music partner Joshua and I recently remixed and re-recorded some demos from our Women at the Well program and released a short CD. A main objective was to re-record vocals and add vocal harmonies on several of the tracks, and there’s where God filled in the blanks.

Adding the harmonies required overdubbing – me singing different lines over myself. You can’t do that without hearing everything, and hearing everything with only one ear means the brain is processing some signals differently. I can’t exactly describe it, but I do know I had to completely re-learn how to manage this.

Since the only budget for this project was earmarked for CD replication, we were recording at Joshua’s house. The bathroom was the vocal booth. Contrary to what you may think, that’s not because of “bathroom acoustics” but rather because it was the quietest room in the house. Since a vocal booth needs to be “dead,” we had a lot of blankets and towels draped everywhere!

It’s a pretty funny picture. I was standing in a tiny bathroom, blankets draped over the shower curtain rod and piled in the bathtub, a big stuffed teddy bear crammed into the closet-without-a-door, scribbled notation taped to the wall in front of me so I’d remember exactly what to sing (what line am I singing now?) and I’m holding one headphone a couple of inches away from my ear so I can hear where to come in – but not so much as to be confusing….In the middle of all of this, a daddy longlegs spider appeared in the corner to watch.

Our budget also doesn’t allow for autotune, so it had to be perfect.

When I heard the final product, I cried with joy and relief. I’d feared I’d never be able to do this again, yet there it was, beautiful harmonies and all.

One of the first people to hear the final product was our friend Danny, who plays keyboards and sings backup in a world-touring zydeco band. Danny knows of my hearing loss, and also understands what’s necessary in overdubbing harmony lines. How did you do that with just one ear? he asked. That’s a miracle.

God stepped in to fill in the blanks inside of my head and ears. A next-to-nothing budget, Joshua’s considerable production skills and a whole lot of Divine assistance gave us a CD we could be proud of, that we could offer to those who heard our Women at the Well program and wanted to revisit the music again and again.

God fills in the empty spaces wherever we allow God to do so. My hearing loss makes me realize that if I’m going to keep doing what I love, I need God to fill in those empty spaces.

This morning I was fixing my tea and thinking about Margaret’s comment, our “heavenly choir” and how God fills things out for us. My eyes fell on a mail order catalog that my husband had left open on the kitchen table. There was a teeshirt that simply said:

God greater than

God is greater than. Can I get an AMEN? God is greater than anything and will fill in the blank spaces when we allow it.

To learn more about the Women at the Well program, visit www.women-at-the-well.com. For information about the Living Water CD, visit www.cdbaby.com/cd/bbontherock The CD page has the latest recordings.